Thursday, February 12, 2015

NBC “He’s Been There”

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Synopsis: In a somewhat ill-timed ad campaign, NBC proudly promotes the unassailable credibility, bravery, and integrity of Nightly News anchor / serial misrememberer Brian Williams.

PART ONE: “EXPERIENCE”

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In Germany, Brian Williams writes story on 25th anniversary of his tearing down Berlin Wall

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05
In Modesto, California, Brian Williams wears bulletproof vest while talking to forest ranger about threat posed by western pine beetle

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07
“Can you give me Ebola?  Not for real – I just mean, plausibly.”

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Brian Williams narrowly escaped devastating Haiti earthquake by attending Knicks game in New York City, later called it “the most frightening moment of my life.”

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“I know how you all feel – my knee still bothers me from D-Day.”

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Brian Williams shows solidarity with Kansas tornado victims by removing his tie

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“… and then I said to the Prophet Muhammad … “

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When alien spaceship attacks San Francisco, Brian Williams is there

PART TWO: “BATTLE SCARS”

A02
Brian Williams researches symptoms of dysentery from New Orleans hotel room shortly before not contracting dysentery

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A05
“… fortunately, I was in the Starbucks men’s room across the street, but the experience of never being in any danger will haunt me until the end of my days.”

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A09
Brian Williams wonders if Pakistani girl might be secret love child he conceivably could have had with Benazir Bhutto

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A14
“Are you sure you don’t remember me storming Omaha Beach?  Because I remember you.”

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A15
Only Brian Williams had the courage to visit Ferguson, Missouri to confront law-abiding black men in broad daylight

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A19
Brian Williams knows he could have been on crashed military jet if he’d opted to enlist in the Air Force 37 years ago

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A20
Brian Williams meets Afghan children, tells story about prior visit with Marco Polo

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A23 
“Thank you for saving my life back there in the imaginary attack I’ll always remember like it was yesterday.”

PART THREE: “TRUST”

B01
Brian Williams tours Iraq’s strife-ridden Anbar province, speculates that he might already be dead

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B05
Back in Baghdad, Brian Williams decides which little boy he’s going to later recall tried to kill him

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At the Vatican, Brian Williams announces he’s been chosen to be the next Pope, plans to make guest appearance on “30 Rock.”

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B14
“Look, kid, were you bullied or weren’t you?  I’ve got a deadline …”

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B15
Brian Williams listens to fire chief drone on about efforts to contain Arizona wildfire while waiting to ask where he can find some ash to smear on his jacket

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“I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but I’m whiter and taller than you, and I’ve spent a lot of time pretending to be in combat.”

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B22
Brian Williams gestures to scene of something or other, relieved to have barely escaped whatever possible harm it could have inflicted, yet profoundly shaken by terrifying feeling of having nothing actually happen to him

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Kind of.

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But not for the next six months.

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Welcome to journalism hell, Brian Williams.  Dan Rather will show you around.

Loathsomeness: 8.4

9 comments:

  1. The difference is that Dan Rather's Bush story was 100 percent accurate; the material he chose to use to document it were not.

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    Replies
    1. That's always been my take on it as well.

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  2. Excellent!

    I must confess that till all the attention on him the last week or so, I was among those few Americans who didn't know who Brian Williams was.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, he knows you. At least, that's what he's been telling everyone.

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    2. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

      Good one!

      Delete
  3. Well, at least he never claimed to be attacked by people asking him what the frequency was.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Brian Williams memes are some of the best things on the internet right now.

    ReplyDelete

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