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Monday, May 4, 2015

FRC “Stand for Marriage”

Link 02 Logo 01A

Synopsis: The leader of the socially conservative Family Research Council interrupts his rigorous study of self-righteousness to urge his fellow Adam-and-Evers to oppose legalization of gay marriage before U.S. Christians are rounded up by despotic homosexuals and forced to swear allegiance to Satan.

07 
Since homofascists took over America, Tony Perkins’ life has been an unrelenting nightmare

-0:08-

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Unable to leave his plush Washington suite for fear of reprisal, he sits quietly alone, hoping someone will stop by and pick up one of his full-color conversion therapy brochures

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And yet, even in this moral sanctuary, Tony is tormented by the gay propaganda that has seeped into his virtuous brain

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Once-inspiring national monuments make him uncomfortable now …

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… and he has to avert his eyes from suggestively pumping oil derricks scattered across his home state of Oklahoma

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Gay rights activists are so much like Nazis, it’s uncanny

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Other than the fact that the Nazis actually tried to exterminate gays, you can’t tell the two groups apart

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The crux of the controversy was, “Is Governor Pence a bigot, or just unbelievably stupid?”

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Nervous heterosexuals practicing traditional family values wear dark glasses to keep from being identified

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Bob and Edith shared 50 wonderful years of marriage until a court decision allowing gay people to celebrate love in the same manner nullified their sacred vows

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They gaze at one last sunset together before tossing their worthless wedding rings into the ocean

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19% of Americans want to be prohibited from following their beliefs

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Attractive, professionally dressed non-lesbian can’t get a cab

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Saddest-looking bakery in Oregon somehow has become a magnet for newly engaged homosexuals

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Clean living co-owner Aaron Klein doesn’t have anything personally against deviant sinners who defy the laws of God and nature, but his religion prevents him from selling them fancy cakes

-1:16-

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“Even though it would be immoral for me to cater a wedding between two chicks, I told them they were welcome to have hot lesbian sex in my store or the back of my truck any time.”

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Meanwhile, in neighboring Washington State, flower shop’s “Grab-n-Go” promotion backfires horribly

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Still reeling from her last terrifying encounter with people who don’t share all her moral values, Christian proprietor Barronelle Stutzman warily checks customer waiting area for sodomites

-1:44-

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Photographer captures rare image of endangered heterosexual bride before she disappears into waiting limousine

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Back in Oregon, Aaron looks at loving family he’s prepared to bankrupt in order to adhere to poorly-understood social edicts of Middle Eastern Jews who lived thousands of years before he was born

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Maybe sacrificing another goat would turn things around

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“Dear Jesus, we obediently follow your teaching to judge others and shun those who come to us for help.”

-1:55-

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If you don’t want to serve gay customers, maybe you shouldn’t have such a gay sign.

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Intolerance will resume at 2:30

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And now a word from America’s go-to homophobe, Mike Huckabee.

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“What good is religious freedom if it doesn’t allow you to publicly act like a hateful jackass in the name of God?”

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It doesn’t say anything about gays.  It also doesn’t say anything about semi-automatic assault rifles.

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Two local protesters + two handmade signs = concerted government effort to obliterate Christianity

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Korean War veteran Wilford Brimley thanked by freedom-loving biker for not being gay in emotional encounter arranged by eight-year-old Chairman of Merrill Lynch

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Father McHenry prays for the liberty to continue telling God’s children that they’re going to hell

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Speaking of children, those altar boys better keep their mouths shut.

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Barronelle surrenders to Gay America, grimly contemplates sex with Ellen DeGeneres

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“All of my imaginary gay friends know I disapprove of their disgusting lifestyle and are totally fine with it.”

-3:50-

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This corporate nameplate has the same constitutional rights you do.

-3:58-

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What’s next – eating shellfish?

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“It’s gotten so bad that Christians can’t even dictate how other people live their lives anymore.”

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Rick pauses to receive another urgent message from the Holy Spirit

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“If Bruce Jenner says he’s a woman, then he’s a woman … unless he wants to use a women’s bathroom, in which case, he’s a man.”

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“Listen up, people!  By order of President Obama, I will now randomly assign each of you a same-sex partner, and you will proceed to make passionate love while I recite from the Koran!”

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Larry checks Revelations against his calendar to see if the Rapture will fall on his bowling night

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Nothing in the Bible forbids a self-styled 55-year-old youth minister from sharing the Good News with some sweet-looking college girls waiting for a ride in the park

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Future site of Andy Dick’s sex dungeon

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Religious conservatives who discriminate against gays today are akin to African-Americans who were the victims of discrimination by religious conservatives in the 1960s.  There’s really no other way to look at it.

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Gay.

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Also gay.

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Not gay, but had disconcerting dream about Michael Sam last night.

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Homocops stand guard outside Supreme Court

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Brave woman arrested just for expressing her sincerely-held religious beliefs and also mumbling something about anthrax

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“So you see honey, once I found out that gays could marry, I couldn’t think of any reason not to sleep with your sister.“

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A visit to the Memorial of Persecuted Bakers and Florists is always a deeply moving experience

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Gay rulers said it clashed with rainbow

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Dustbin of history awaits.

Loathsomeness: 9.4

22 comments:

  1. Hey what's with the NRA ad? A bit ironic, eh?

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    Replies
    1. I imagine there's a substantial overlap between the memberships of the NRA and the FRC.

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  2. The crux of the controversy was, “Is Governor Pence a bigot, or just unbelievably stupid?”

    Can't he be both things?

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  3. verbosus maximusMay 8, 2015 at 12:50 AM

    Perfect! Now I want to gay marry The Editor. What's your favorite flavor of persecution cake?

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    Replies
    1. I think it is a popped cherry.

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    2. hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

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    3. Hmmm ... I think I'll sit this one out.

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  4. So I don't get it...what is it with these people?! Isn't the gay marriage thing a done deal in most states? Is this just sour grapes because others' same sex marriages threatens their no-sex, opposite sex marriage?
    It's like these morality control freaks are grasping at straws because they're running out of options: they're scared of black men so they can't do much about the white chick-black dikc thing anymore; gay people are now legally protected as (gasp) people (!) so they can't harm them anymore...the truth about what makes someone transgendered is coming to light as well, so soon the ignorance surrounding that won't work anymore...dear Lord, we might be moving toward an enlightened society! We can't have that! What are we gonna do!

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    Replies
    1. Bigotry always finds a way.

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    2. Pretty much, they do not enjoy sex w/ all the trappings and perks of marriage why should the gays get to? It's persecution!

      And yes they are absolute control freaks, which is rather odd, since they obviously have ZERO self control.

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    3. I just feel sorry for all these gay folks who no longer have a convenient excuse to give their boyfriends, girlfriends, or pestering mothers for why they haven't gotten married yet.

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  5. Thank you for doing this! Both because this sort of asshattery needs to be mocked, and because I didn't have to sit through the entire video (thanks to you, I was able to get the gist without the suffering).

    Is it just me, or do the "regular people" in this video come off as even more awful people than run-of-the-mill disconnected bigots? The ones running the bakery and flower shop. I mean, it's one thing to not happen to know any gay people personally, and form some vague preconceived notions about them through the filter of your religion. It's dumb, but you can almost understand it.

    But to do like that one lady, and to get to know a gay person day after day, to make friends with someone who regularly patronizes her business, and then when they tell her they're getting married, to shut them out like that! That's just a special kind of holier-than-thou asshole right there.

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  6. Yeah, I wouldn't inflict that whole video on anyone. Imagine that I had to watch it, like, 30 times.

    Totally agree about discrimination against people you know being the worst form of bigotry -- and yet, incredibly, those who do it somehow believe it reflects well on them.

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  7. Let us not forget; we can get a DVD of this horse crap for a mere $20. I wonder how much Jesus charged for a glass of wine or fish on a stick on the Mount?

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    Replies
    1. The FRC assures donors that 95% of the proceeds from its DVD sales will be used to fight tolerance.

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  8. Hilarious and pathetic- the world these evangelicals see is awful. Good to be enlightened enough to understand man-dog sex can be very enjoyable...

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  9. If these bigots are convinced that people have to choose to be gay, doesn't that imply that they had to choose not to be gay, which by definition would pretty much clearly represent their own natural urges towards this supposed 'sin' of mere existence in public? I mean if they are born that way then their argument of it being a sin is out the window since their very own deity would have had to create them in such a way; so choice would be the only way to be bigoted. And that implies that they must have felt the urge and chose NOT to be. Perhaps it is a bit of ironic jealousy from them? And also ironic that the implication of having gay urges is not offensive to non-bigots, but they literally define themselves as having the urges and thus are mocking themselves in a way that only themselves would consider it an insult. Quite a fascinating catch-22 they have surrounded themselves within, wouldn't you say? I have never made a choice and I am straight, but if I had urges that were natural and prevalent enough to act upon, I guess I would be upset that I chose a life of repression only to realize now that I could have lived a full and honest lifestyle the whole time...

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    Replies
    1. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not Christian or straight, but I think you're missing the point. Resisting the urge to sin is a pretty big part of religion. It's natural to have urges of violence, hatred, masturbation, premarital sex, gay lust, greed, gluttony, etc. Acting upon those feelings is what's considered a sin. Even believing that gays are born gay does not make it ok to them, because they believe that it's a test of faith/will/resolve. Check out the Mormon stance http://jezebel.com/5966688/mormon-church-officially-states-that-being-gay-is-not-a-choice. This is the same stance christian parents who aren't willing to accept homosexuals, but also not willing to disown their children typically take. I'm not Christian or trying to defend them, but whether or not it's a choice to be gay does not matter at all to any of them, because it IS a choice to have gay sex (again, I'm not Christian, I love choosing to have gay sex).

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    2. I think that's a good point, although, as a straight person, I find it depressing that Christians can accept the idea that a loving God would, for his own mysterious reasons, place such an extraordinary burden on some of his people -- that it's just their lot in life to constantly have the urge to engage in gay sex, yet be called upon to suppress that urge right up until the day they die.

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