Monday, May 18, 2015

Carson “Revival”

Link 01 Logo 01B

Synopsis: After getting the green light from Jesus, cerebral religious conservative hero Dr. Ben Carson shows off his celebrated intellect by starting a presidential campaign given virtually no chance of success with a ponderous, meandering ad in which he barely appears and fails to articulate any coherent rationale for his absurd candidacy.

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Defiant U.S. Congress refuses to enforce Old Testament

-0:25-

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God has an app for that

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Politicians are the worst – take it from Ben Carson, who gave up an accomplished medical career in order to become one

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a spirited little girl play with a toy biplane in a Midwestern wheat field while wearing a vintage aviator hat, scarf, and goggles.

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Oh, that’s right – zero.

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First phase of Carson’s economic recovery plan calls for pre-emptive nuclear strike on America’s uncooperative Asian trading partners

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Protesters may not realize it, but their real problem isn’t cops killing them in the streets – it’s that they haven’t learned how to empower themselves through the cultivation of core values

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Baltimore Police helicopter conducts aerial search for black men with questionable knives and unbroken spines

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Vanessa doesn’t seem to understand that all she has to do to escape poverty is become a brilliant neurosurgeon

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This fellow needs to stop looking to the government for answers and start creating his own biotech company that can compete with China

-1:05-

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After death panel rejected her appeal, Ellen DeStefano is escorted to Obamacare crematorium

-1:22-

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Laura can’t decide whether to spend her food stamps on lobster tails or save them up for her Caribbean cruise

-1:23-

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After years of fruitlessly trying to restrict campaign donations, Federal Election Commission decided it would be easier just to let presidential candidates print their own money

-1:25-

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Ignoring the political risks, Ben Carson strongly supports Article 7’s requirement that the Constitution be ratified by nine of the thirteen states that gained independence from Great Britain

-1:27-

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Article 6’s prohibition against religious tests for holding public office quickly fades out of view

-1:32-

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Washington fat cat donates another 50 grand to Clinton Foundation, subverts democracy by demanding that malaria be eradicated from African village in return

-1:42-

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Death Star blueprints obtained by Carson campaign reveal previously unknown vulnerability, may provide opening for Rebel attack

-1:46-

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Human activity does not contribute to global warming.  Or maybe it does – who the hell cares?

-2:18-

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Because Dr. Carson doesn’t see color, he is unable to verify the results of this lab test

-2:31-

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Not pictured: president who believed nation’s laws should be based on Christian beliefs

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For generations, Americans have followed clear Biblical teaching that marriage is between one man and one woman of the same race.

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Thanks to radical secularists, House of God is now House of Pancakes

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Martin Luther King, Jr. often talked about how a government initiative to provide affordable health care to low-income Americans would be the worst thing since slavery, but unfortunately no one wrote it down

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On bus ride to halfway house, Joe reflects on how prison made him decide to turn gay

-3:42-

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Nothing symbolizes healing like a vicious bird of prey

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Ben Carson’s moving personal story makes me feel like I can achieve my lifelong dream of never climbing a mountain.

-3:47-

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Under Carson Administration, tearful military farewells will double …

-3:53-

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… and discretionary foreign conflicts will be 50% more inconclusive

-3:56-

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Boy rescued from liberal education system gazes upon American flag for first time, wonders if he’s supposed to burn it

-3:59-

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Only a true leader like Ben Carson would have the courage to approve an official campaign portrait that shows him slouched in a chair next to a pile of fake books

-4:18-

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He’s so smart, he doesn’t need prepositions

Loathsomeness: 6.9